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Health and Life Awareness |
Sexual Orientation
A lot of college students don’t really know who they are or what
they like when they get to college. There’s a lot of pressure in
most high schools to fit in and be uniform. This means that a lot of
gay teenagers have to “play straight” for years. Perhaps they’re
afraid to tell their family and friends, and perhaps they’re afraid
to admit their sexual orientation to themselves. In college,
these restrictions disappear and experimenting with sexuality is common in college.
Tips for Coming Out
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Don’t be
surprised if the person you’re coming out to already knows, or
has suspected, your sexual orientation.
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It’s better
to come out to people privately than to blurt out your sexual
identity to a large group.
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Prepare
yourself for questions about your sexuality.
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Think about
your motives for coming out to this person. Are you hoping that
this person will better understand you? Are you afraid that they
will hear about your sexual identity from another source? Do you
want to let them know up front so you won’t have to use
ambiguous phrases like my friend or my partner or them and they
instead of him or her?
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Think about
the moment ahead of time. For example, if you’re coming out to a
roommate you might want to say, “I want to tell you upfront that
I’m gay. I want to know if this is going to affect us as
roommates.”
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Understand
that your new friend or roommate may not accept you right away,
if ever. If you feel that your living arrangement won’t work
out, go immediately to your RAs and let them know what’s going
on.
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Don’t be
drunk or high when you come out, and don’t come out to people
who are drunk or high.
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Give people
time to process the information. Don’t expect the “right”
reaction right away.
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Don’t blurt
out the news at odd times (e.g., while you’re driving a car, in
the middle of a silent candlelight vigil, while cliff climbing).
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Remember that
you have the right to leave a situation if you feel offended by
someone’s reaction.
What to Do When Friends Come Out to You
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Don’t assume
they are hitting on you (don’t flatter yourself!). Just like
straight people aren’t attracted to most people of the opposite
sex, gay people aren’t necessarily attracted to you just because
you’re the same sex, either.
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Take it as a
compliment. If someone is coming out to you, it means that they
value your friendship and think you’re trustworthy and
understanding.
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Don’t act
calmly and tell them they have your support and then run across
the hall to gossip with excitement.
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Ask them if
it’s OK if you “out” them in discussions with others. If they
say no, respect their wishes.
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Don’t be
judgmental. If you have strong beliefs that everyone should be
straight, wait before discussing them. Tell your friend that you
don’t know what to say, and that you need time to think things
over. Respond only after careful thought.
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If you’re
unsure what to say, learn about gay issues before you discuss
the situation with your friend.
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If your
friend is transgendered or transsexual, ask which pronoun they
prefer when speaking to and about them.
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If your
friend is transsexual, do not ask about their physiology or how
they have sex.
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Talk to your
friends more frequently than you did before, to affirm that you
really do care about them and accept them. Coming out can be
scary.
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If your
friends are afraid of violence directed toward them now that
they are out, don’t dismiss your friend’s fear. Gay, lesbian,
and transgendered people do experience discrimination. Instead,
let them know that you are there for personal support.
-from
SparkNotes: Your College Identity
For more information, please contact:
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Becky Doebler |
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Coordinator of Student
Activities |
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Office: (770)720-9238
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Fax: (770)720-9105 |
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rmd@reinhardt.edu
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04/16/2008
For more information
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